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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24416416">Gravity</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/infptwriter/pseuds/infptwriter'>infptwriter</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Not Beat Read, Second Year Akaashi, Third Year Bokuto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 06:09:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,906</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24416416</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/infptwriter/pseuds/infptwriter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Bokuto is like the sun.<br/>And gravity is pulling Akaashi into his orbit.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>109</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Gravity</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello!<br/>One more time with bokuaka fic, hah.<br/>This time is a bit self-indulgent, not gonna lie. Especially considering Akaashi's parents.<br/>So, we don't know much about Akaashi's family, so those are headcanons.<br/>This was not beta read and English is not my native language, excuse my mistakes.<br/>If the paragraphs don't seem to connect much, it's because my mind is weird, I apologize.<br/>Anyways, enjoy!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>note: this was vaguely based on the song Gravity by Coldplay. If you wanna listen to it while reading, I guarantee some hard angst lol</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Akaashi had never been an expressive person. Even now, as a teenager, at high school, he still is considered very unexpressive. He doesn’t see much of the point in showing emotions anyway, since he has always been taught it’s not a good thing. <em>Wear your heart on your sleeve and you’re giving them a reason to hurt you</em>, his mother had told him once, years ago. <em>Crying is for the weak</em>, his father had told him more than once when he was a child.</p>
<p>Akaashi doesn’t know why he would need to show his emotions so freely, so easily, because it could give people a reason to step on him, to make fun of him – <em>again</em>. He avoids it like the plague, because he would rather hear that he seems to have no emotion than to relive everything he had once gone through during his young age. He hides behind a cool mask and keeps an even voice, so well-rehearsed sometimes he even believes himself.</p>
<p>But that meant absolutely <em>nothing</em> when he met Bokuto Koutarou.</p>
<p>Even less when he fell for him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It’s not about a specific moment or line, or how looked at him with different eyes when he hit the ball the first time he saw him. Perhaps, Akaashi thinks, he could have fell right there, but he doesn’t think he did. It takes him a few months of knowing the enigma that Bokuto is, finding out his good and bad traits, his quirks and his personality. Bokuto had befriended him way too fast, and Akaashi got carried away, because he already thought of Bokuto as an amazing player, so passionate and so talented, and he wanted to know, why was he so different?</p>
<p>At first, it had been weird. Bokuto is loud, obnoxious, moody, absolutely an extrovert and wears his heart on his sleeve. He is absolutely the opposite of Akaashi in almost every sense, and it had struck to him back then that perhaps this was what made Bokuto such a bright star. The good mood – though it could get bad – or the extroverted personality. He had thought back then that Bokuto was a star because of his traits.</p>
<p>Bokuto could have been born completely different and he would still be a star, though, Akaashi had realized much later. It was just part of who he is, born to shine, to be as bright as the sun, having everyone orbiting around him. His heat, his light, everything brings people to him.</p>
<p>Akaashi can’t help but to be caught by gravity and to enter his orbit without permission. This is who Bokuto Koutarou is, the brightest star. The sun. And Akaashi is merely a small planet, orbiting around it like many other people do.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He realizes he’s in love at the end of his first year at Fukurodani, after Nationals, after they didn’t even make it to final – but with a promise of next year, beautiful and strong words from Bokuto as he was named captain for next year. It’s just a normal day, a few days before the school year ends, Akaashi has just finished his last exam – and so has Bokuto – when they meet to eat something together at a café. Bokuto is doing most of the talking, always loud and excited, thanking Akaashi from helping him study and focus, and then it hits Akaashi. <em>I’m in love with him</em>.</p>
<p>His heart skips a beat, but he doesn’t even twitch his eye. He maintains his cool and collected face and continues hearing Bokuto speaking. Humming softly and sipping his tea, he allows himself to let that information sink in. Of course, he would fall for Bokuto, the projection of everything he wanted to have become once but never was able to. Perhaps it’s his own mind playing tricks, perhaps it’s only destiny making fun of him. Either way, he realizes he doesn’t want these emotions to rule over his life, because it is a weakness, it could ruin their relationship, it could ruin the team’s dynamics and Akaashi doesn’t want any of that.</p>
<p>“Akaashi, you’re a very good friend!” Bokuto says, later, when they are exiting the café. Akaashi feels like laughing, considering his earlier thoughts. He doesn’t, though. But he allows a small smile to play on his lips.</p>
<p>“So are you, Bokuto-san,” he answers, respectfully, because he doesn’t want to and can’t be rude. Bokuto laughs and smiles at him, the same smile that reminds Akaashi of the sun.</p>
<p><em>Once again, I am caught at your orbit,</em> he thinks, <em>once again I am caught into the sun you are. So, so bright. So beautiful. You bring so much light into my life. I am so thankful for you, even if we are just friends and that’s all we’ll ever be</em>.</p>
<p>But he never opens his mouth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It’s a weird but good and welcomed surprise when Bokuto suddenly <em>confesses </em>to Akaashi just a couple of days later. At first, of course, Akaashi thinks if it’s some sort of prank, after all, what are the odds of him confessing just after Akaashi realized his feelings for him? But he knows Bokuto is not a good liar, and he also knows Bokuto wouldn’t betray their friendship like this, because that’s not the type of person he is. It takes Akaashi a minute to catch up, but when he does, he feels like winning the Nationals. Like he has won a marathon. Like the most amazing thing has happened to him because <em>it has</em>.</p>
<p>“…and I’m sorry if this ruins our friendship, Akaashi! I don’t want to lose your friendship! And don’t worry about the team, I’ll… I’ll be very professional, promise! Just, ack, just – “</p>
<p>“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi says softly, interrupting him midway. Bokuto stares at him with those big yellowish eyes, like a scared owl. Akaashi smiles softly, and his heart beats so fast he feels like bursting from <em>happiness</em>. It feels amazing, even though his mind tells him this is a bad territory and he is wrong from being like this. For once, he doesn’t <em>care</em>. “I-I like you, t-too.”</p>
<p>He almost winces at his own stuttering, but before he even has time to react, Bokuto is hugging him <em>tight</em>. He startles for a second, feeling Bokuto’s arms around him and his breathing on his neck. He hasn’t had much close contact in his life and it’s a bit suffocating to be surrounded like this so suddenly. He breathes deeply, and carefully hugs him back, his face hiding in his neck. He breathes in, the smell of Bokuto filling his nostrils and making him relax slightly. It feels <em>safe</em>, it feels right to be there, with Bokuto, surrounded by him. He doesn’t know much about this, but it makes his heart want to combust.</p>
<p>“Akaashi, can I… uh, can I kiss you?” Bokuto asks awkwardly, still hiding his face on Akaashi’s neck. Their height difference isn’t much, and Akaashi is thankful for it, because it allows him to hide in Bokuto’s face as a response. He wants to laugh, suddenly, because there’s this weird happiness bubbling inside his belly.</p>
<p>“Yes,” he whispers, very softly, and Bokuto doesn’t do anything for a moment. Akaashi waits, breathing deeply, until Bokuto pushes him slightly away to look at his face.</p>
<p>They’re close enough that their noses are almost touching, and if Akaashi looks for long enough, he thinks he could see constellations hidden in Bokuto’s eyes. But he doesn’t have to time to do so, or even think, because Bokuto softly dives in, brushing their noses softly at first and then kissing his lips with such care and love it makes Akaashi want to cry.</p>
<p>He doesn’t know what he’s doing. Maybe Bokuto doesn’t either – which he doubts, since Bokuto is handsome and has received many confessions – but they both fit in their own way. Slowly, they add more pressure until they sigh, their mouths opening softly to move against each other. Then, with some unsureness still lingering, their tongues meet, and they melt together. It makes Akaashi’s toes curl and his hand somehow finds its way into Bokuto’s hair, while the other holds onto his chest, feeling his heart beating as crazily as his own. Bokuto almost mimics him, except one of his hands are on Akaashi’s back, to pull him closer. The hand on Akaashi’s hair moves wildly, like Bokuto had been wanting to do that for a while, while Akaashi is the shy kind, playing with the ends of Bokuto’s hair.</p>
<p>Always opposites, somehow completing each other.</p>
<p>When the kiss ends, Bokuto smiles at him, the same smile that pulls Akaashi into his orbit. This time, Akaashi can’t help but smile back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No one bats an eye when they announce their relationship – or more like when <em>Bokuto</em> suddenly barges into training screaming that Akaashi is dating him. Akaashi goes along with everything, even though there’s a slight fear settling inside his bones, the fear of being rejected by other people or being rejected by his parents. He tries not to dwell on it too much, because it’s the end of school year and people will forget this by the time they’re back to another cycle.</p>
<p>He spends all the time he can with Bokuto when they’re not training.</p>
<p>They already used to spend an awful lot of time together, if not studying, then practicing or Akaashi trying to prevent Bokuto from doing something stupid. But now, they have other excuses, other priorities and it’s honestly much more interesting.</p>
<p>Bokuto likes kissing. Akaashi finds out he does, too. They kiss at any chance they have, mostly when they’re alone, and sometimes it’s more like making out than just kissing. But because they’re teenagers, and Bokuto and Akaashi are both teenagers with <em>hormones</em>, once they got too carried away and before Bokuto had the chance to start anything they could regret, Akaashi stopped him.</p>
<p>“<em>I don’t think I’m ready to take this step yet,” </em>he had murmured and looked down, ashamed. Bokuto kissed his temple and ruffled his hair.</p>
<p>“<em>It’s okay, Akaashi, I’ll wait for you for as long as you need,”</em></p>
<p>But for Akaashi, he had started wondering then if perhaps Bokuto one day would get tired of him and leave him, because he couldn’t fulfill his desires.</p>
<p>Then, after this door opened, the dam broke, and Akaashi can no longer close it anymore. He can no longer stop his thoughts from clouding his judgement.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Akaashi is an unexpressive person. He doesn’t talk much; he doesn’t show his emotions and he’s extremely analytical. Many people call him heartless and cold, and he has learned not to care about these comments; perhaps they are true, perhaps they aren’t. Akaashi will always do what protects him from being hurt, as he has learned he had to do so many years ago.</p>
<p>But then Bokuto comes and Akaashi finds himself struggling to keep a façade. Because Bokuto makes him want to smile, makes him want to laugh out loud, makes him want to just spill out the words that comes to his mind. For once, he wants to be open and not scared of being hurt, because Bokuto is so bright, so enchanting, he wants to shine with him, by his side.</p>
<p><em>He deserves better,</em> his mind supplies,<em> because you can never give him that</em>.</p>
<p>He still tries. With small, soft and shy smiles, with stolen hidden kisses and sweet words that sometimes come to his mind when they are alone, he <em>tries</em>.</p>
<p>
  <em>It won’t ever be enough because he deserves someone who is like him. Like the sun.</em>
</p>
<p>Akaashi tries, but he doesn’t try as much as he actually wants to.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Akaashi,” Bokuto drawls as they are laying on Akaashi’s bed during a Saturday afternoon, after finishing a movie on his laptop. “Where are your parents?”</p>
<p>Akaashi freezes and stiffens – which Bokuto doesn’t miss – and he breathes slowly, shakily. For a second, he wonders how to answer Bokuto, how to tell him how broken his family is, how they’re just a bunch of strangers living together, how his parents barely talk and they barely see each other. He wants to say why he feels emotionally constipated, why he can’t give Bokuto not even half of what he deserves, how he wants to be praised because his parents never really praised him or how he needs words of love because he never received any; he wants to open up and tell him everything.</p>
<p>But he <em>doesn’t</em>.</p>
<p>“They’re always traveling for work,” he mutters, which isn’t a lie. It’s just not the whole truth.</p>
<p>Bokuto nods, and hugs him, urging him to relax on his arms. Akaashi does, because for the first time, he has found a home for himself. Somewhere he feels safe, wanted and loved. And it’s around Bokuto’s arms, hugging him, his face hiding on his neck as he breathes slowly.</p>
<p>The subject is dropped. The dreading inside Akaashi’s belly only grows, but he never brings it up, never tells a word to Bokuto. He lets it slide, because Bokuto doesn’t deserve this, his emotional baggage that he carries around like a burden.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Bokuto is a touchy kind of person. Akaashi has known since day one. Bokuto is always touching someone, either clapping their back or high fiving someone, sliding his arms around someone’s shoulder or grabbing someone’s arm. Bokuto craves touching 24/7 and Akaashi doesn’t blame him. Akaashi is not much of the touchy type, and even though he allows Bokuto to touch him as much as he wants, he doesn’t allow anyone else. Besides, Bokuto holds back around him, he has noticed recently.</p>
<p>It makes him jealous.</p>
<p>It’s an ugly feeling settling inside his veins, coming slowly to his belly and making him want to spit out hateful and nonsense words. He wants to blame Bokuto for the fact that they don’t touch as much as Akaashi wants to, even though he knows all he has to do is <em>ask</em> and Bokuto will do it happily. If he even mentions that it bothers him sometimes how much he touches other people, he <em>knows</em> Bokuto will do his best to stop.</p>
<p>It scares Akaashi, in a sense. He is willing to do so much for Bokuto, but he has realized Bokuto is willing to do the same amount for him. As much as it takes.</p>
<p><em>He deserves better!, </em>his mind supplies, once more, and Akaashi starts believing it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Pushing Bokuto away is easier said than done. It’s somewhere in the middle of Akaashi’s second year of high school, and they have been dating for almost five months. It’s also Bokuto’s last year of high school, and Akaashi knows he should use every opportunity he has to make this relationship worth it, so Bokuto won’t leave him after he graduates, but Akaashi also thinks that perhaps this might be for the best.</p>
<p>Bokuto will get scouted, Akaashi is sure. He will start playing volleyball professionally, he will have an amazing career and he will <em>shine</em>, just like he is supposed to.</p>
<p>Akaashi can’t see himself in that future. Bokuto will need to keep an image, one that matches what is considered “normal” and “acceptable” in their country, one that doesn’t involve homosexuality. Bokuto will need to travel a lot, will be playing around the country, maybe even in other countries. Bokuto will need someone to support him through everything.</p>
<p>Akaashi can <em>feel</em> his façade breaking. He can feel the lines from the edges becoming cracks, ones that will break soon. He knows soon will come the crying, the yelling, the fear that will overwhelm him and the anxiety that always puts him on the edge. He knows Bokuto deserves better than this, than what Akaashi has to offer, yet he doesn’t want to let go, not yet. He wants to savor every kiss, every touch, every smile and keep it safe in his memory.</p>
<p>But he prepares himself for it anyway. Because Bokuto breaking up with him seems inevitable by now.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>First, avoiding the hug. Saying <em>someone could walk in, we could be seen</em>. After, avoiding the kissing. <em>We’re in public, you know people will see us and judge us, think of your reputation</em>.</p>
<p>Slowly, then it’s when they’re alone and he comes up with an excuse, some water to drink, a trip to the bathroom that he doesn’t need or the urge to get something – a book, his phone – just to get away from his touch.</p>
<p>He doesn’t want it anymore, not when it’s so close to slipping right through his fingers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It’s close to their six month anniversary when Akaashi fully breaks.</p>
<p>It’s the weekend and, once more, his parents are away. Bokuto decides to sleep over, and after they had done some studying, Akaashi decides to order take out so they can either study a bit more or watch a movie afterwards. As they wait for the food, it’s Bokuto who decides to bring <em>it</em> up.</p>
<p>“Hey, Akaashi… Are you unhappy with our relationship?”</p>
<p>Akaashi had been drawing doodles on his notebook until that moment, but he completely stops when Bokuto speaks. He drops the pen, wordlessly, his mind going blank in a second. He hadn’t been expecting a confrontation this soon. He had been expecting to have at least a few more months before this.</p>
<p>It’s like someone stole the air out of his lungs.</p>
<p>“I feel like… You don’t like me touching you very much,” Bokuto goes on, his face soft even though Akaashi doesn’t look at him, eyes glued on his drawing, unfocused. “I feel like you don’t talk much to me, either. Sometimes I feel like everything is one sided. I dunno. I’m insecure, too, I guess, well, since you’re <em>you</em>.”</p>
<p>Akaashi looks up in a halt. “What?”</p>
<p>Bokuto blinks, and he looks more confused at Akaashi’s question than anything. He doesn’t sound like he’s breaking up with Akaashi, and Akaashi doesn’t understand. “I’m simply curious to why. I don’t mean anything bad by it.”</p>
<p>“Bokuto-san… I…” Akaashi starts, his tongue feeling heavy and his throat feeling tight. The words are all pilled up on his chest, but they don’t come out, don’t flow out of his mouth like they should. He stares at Bokuto for a second, and much to Akaashi’s horror, he starts <em>crying</em>.</p>
<p>He should have seen it coming, to be honest. Too much time piling up all these fears and unwanted thoughts, and now Bokuto facing him like this, with the possibility of Bokuto wanting to break it off even though he doesn’t sound like he wants to… so Akaashi just <em>breaks</em>.</p>
<p>And Bokuto, of course, he panics.</p>
<p>“Uhm! Akaashi!” he says, lamely, and doesn’t know if he hugs his boyfriend or if he gives him the space he thinks Akaashi would prefer. He wants to hug him, though, and his heart is screaming at him to comfort his boyfriend. <em>Ah, to hell with it, </em>he thinks and pulls Akaashi closer, holding him dearly.</p>
<p>To his surprise, Akaashi clings to him like his life depends on it. His crying comes in loud, ugly sobs, ones that make Akaashi’s chest hurt and even makes him choke on his irregular breathing, but it doesn’t stop coming out. In fact, it gets worse and he feels himself even panicking at how much it <em>hurts</em> to put this all out.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Bokuto whispers between his sobbing, hugging him tighter, not letting him go. “It’s okay, baby. I’m here.”</p>
<p>“Don’t leave me,” Akaashi whispers, brokenly and shakily between sobs and he ends up sobbing even harder. Bokuto’s heart breaks for a moment. <em>How long has been holding all this up?</em></p>
<p>“I’m not leaving you, Keiji,” he says softly, his hand craving through his hair and massaging his scalp. Akaashi hides his face on his chest, holding onto his shirt into tight fists. “I didn’t mean to sound like I was complaining or breaking up with you. I’m worried. I love you, Keiji. I don’t want to ever leave you.”</p>
<p>Even though Akaashi is sobbing, he hears Bokuto’s words loud and clear in his head, but it takes him a few moments to catch up. He pushes him away slightly, only to look him in the eye and before Bokuto has the chance to even look confused, Akaashi kisses him.</p>
<p>It’s messy, perhaps disgusting, considering Akaashi’s nose is almost closed with snot and his face is full of tears, but it’s also the best kiss Akaashi has ever had. Bokuto kisses him back eagerly, his hand soft on the side of his head, his lips caressing Akaashi’s like he’s something so precious. It’s messy but sweet and lovingly, and when they break apart, Akaashi smiles through the tears.</p>
<p>“I love you, too, Koutarou,” he says lowly, and he laughs, his sobs still coming in between. “I love you so much.”</p>
<p>Bokuto breaks into the brightest and most beautiful smile Akaashi has ever seen. When he pulls him again for a hug, Akaashi pulls him tighter, never wanting to let him go.</p>
<p><em>You don’t deserve him</em>, his mind supplies again.</p>
<p>This time, he replies. <em>I don’t deserve him, but I will do my best to be the person he deserves someday</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It doesn’t take one night full of sobbing, talking, trying to open up and cuddling to make Akaashi feel like he can be the person Bokuto deserves. It takes months, several internal fights with his own head and talks to Bokuto about his fears before he finally reaches a point where he’s comfortable with the idea that he is dating Bokuto.</p>
<p>They talk about it. About everything. Akaashi, slowly, tells him about his family, how they don’t talk about their feelings and how they hide behind cool masks. He talks about how he always wanted to be praised, to be recognized for his accomplishments, but he never was so – which is why when Bokuto praises him, he feels <em>amazing</em>, and he tells him that, too. He tells him his fear of showing what he feels, only to have people to take advantage of him and using him for their own benefit. He tells him all his irrational fears, and Bokuto kisses away every single one of them, with a promise between them to be open and honest, no matter how hard or how much it hurts, because that’s how they will make it work. It’s the promise that Akaashi promises himself to keep, no matter what, because he <em>will</em> become the person Bokuto deserves.</p>
<p>And, at some point, he finally becomes comfortable with the idea that he <em>is</em> Bokuto’s boyfriend and deserves to be so, even though his mind might say the opposite sometimes. He is the one who Bokuto wants and who Bokuto <em>loves</em>, and this never fails to make his heart beat a bit faster.</p>
<p>He’s still a bit unexpressive. Perhaps people still call him cold, serious and even heartless sometimes, but Akaashi doesn’t care. Because when he’s around Bokuto, smiling seems right and easy, laughing is so natural when coming out of his lips and he feels like he’s invincible. Because Bokuto loves him just as much as he loves Bokuto.</p>
<p><em>Wear your heart on your sleeve and you’re giving them a reason to hurt you</em>, his mother had said, once. He doesn’t do it, he doesn’t carry his heart on his sleeve like she said. Instead, his heart belongs to Bokuto, next to his own heart and he wouldn’t change a second of it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So!<br/>I hoped y'all liked it. And felt the angst I put into it.<br/>Kudos and comments are always appreciated, don't be shy! &lt;3<br/>Thank you for reading!</p>
<p>(come and yell at me on twitter, @owlhashira I promise I'm nice!)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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